The Pelican Poems.

A Pelican Wish

The ruminitions are mine,

let

the world

be yours.

_house of leaves.

for another French man in
Mycenae. August 28, 1988

so what's the deal with back fat?

ten reasons i need to break down and buy a fan:

10. it's 11 pm, i'm sitting in my apartment writing this pathetic blog, and i'm covered in sweat.
9. earlier today, within two hours of my sunday bike ride, i filled my thirty two ounce nalgene to the brim twice. trips to the bathroom? one.
8. my shower after my bike ride lasted 20 minutes. by the sixth minute i had completely shut off the hot valve.
7. i'm so irritable that simple annoyances {dropping a pencil, spilling water, no myspace messages} forces me into a turrets-like fit of rage marked by childlike cursing, stomping and unprecedented levels of self-loathing.
6. i no longer sympathize or feel compassion for the homeless. i respect the crap out of them.
5. i think the onions in my cabinet have started to peel themselves.
4. my societal cynicism has reached an all time high.
3. the mere thought of a sweater/jacket/scarf even touching my skin makes me nauseous.
2. my shampoo has lost all viscosity.
1. two words; bedsheet sweatring.

so, clearly a breakdown was imminent, so i treated myself to a trip to the local walgreens and bought a fan. i still feel like complete shit, but things could always be worse. i wonder what the weather is like in lebanon right now?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

photos from previous post.

a sneak attack on ruth & asmund.

mt. hood.

ruthie, stephanie, her bro, naomi and asmund.

corbin is out of frame.

uh, hello? i forgot my mantra.

first off, i'll get the important {pretentious/calculated} stuff out of the way by listing the albums i can't stop listening to at the moment_

Tapes 'n Tapes - The Loon
The Walkmen - A Hundred Miles Off
Sun Kil Moon - Ghosts of the Great Highway
Wilderness - Vessel State
Bjork - Homogenic
Neko Case - The Tigers Have Spoken
Cat Power - The Greatest
Regina Spektor - Soviet Kitsch
Sleater-Kinney - The Woods***

numerous events over the past several days. including, but not limited to;

a few of us folks from work got our camping hang on beneath the profile of mt. hood on saturday night. it was an evening of consummate relaxation; something i realized i don't necessarily reward myself with enough. asmund provided the campfire and sage advice, ruth did the storytelling and saw through my bullshit ramblings, stephanie and her brother slept and read the entire time, and i probably made some arrogant and tactless remarks about postmodernism or something. basically, i think i'm fitting in well here.

sunday was blocked out for a tubing trip down the Clackamas river. as luck would have it, one of the guys in attendance, naomi's roomate's friend, scott, is an architect with allied works. he also went to the university of kansas. he's also the guy i made a fool out of myself by making some flippant remark about ku when i interviewed with allied back in april. predictably, the joke didn't amuse him at all, and i proceeded to look elsewhere for a job. needless to say, the encounter served as my daily dose of humility. thank god he didn't remember who i was.

in more arbitrary news, i've only been drinking americano's lately, not drip coffee. i have no clear explaination why.

today during my lunch hour i also finished the book i've been digesting lately, house of leaves. i {sort of} feel like i've gotten something out of it, but i also think one of the themes of the book is that it's supposed to fool you into thinking there's something to get out of it. the book aims to disorient and confuse the reader on every level imaginable, and now that i think of it, i may have read it too fast. i'm not sure exactly i predict i'll start it over tonight.

i'll be back in kc for a certain wedding event on august 12th. coincidentally, this is the same weekend sleater-kinney is playing their two last shows {ever} here in portland. i'm not particulary happy about this, but i figure the overall utility gained from attending a wedding between two of the most magnetic and genuine people i have met in recent years, seeing my parents {maybe my brother, too} and some other jerks in the kc scene will be substantially higher than seeing a band perform a few sets.

anyway, the damn pictures won't upload for some odd reason. i'll try another post or something.

***thank god people at my office have some musical taste. some of these new selections are a direct result of this. i also noticed i've been listening to a lot of female-lead bands. thoughts?

i'm wearing a black shirt and tan pants.

i'm not sure if i completely understand my thoughts and my surroundings and my moods and how they seem to interact and depend on one another, but lately, with more than enough time to become more familiar with these dependencies and shortcomings, they somehow come together and make sense.

i don't really understand how a cloudy and dynamically ominous grey sky can somehow make me feel good, but it does. today, i felt at home ... for the first time. i've been looking forward to this ... a simultaneous feeling of delight and peace with everything around me ... days like today. the weather can't make up it's mind - it vascilates between fall and summer, a slight muggy-ness in the air, the pavement is still slippery wet from the standard northwest spritz of morning drizzle. why does this feel so good?

i spent half my lunch drinking my coffee at stumptown, reading {struggling} through house of leaves, attempting to make sense of a novel whose purpose to help one make sense of their surroundings/relationships/life ... makes sense, right? and during the 1.5 block walk home to my office i couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by undulating {supposedly lost} creative energy and a genuine sense of comfort in my surroundings. i was literally shaking with a need to create or write or talk or scream or run or something. at the same time i wanted to stop and sit on the corner and wait out this intense feeling of pure satisfaction.

i've come to realize that sublime moments of clarity such as these, albeit fleeting {for me, at least} are rare. a flawless combination of caffeine, temperature, light, and mood ... they rarely come. i'm okay with that, though because that makes their significance {importance?} that much more ... eh, important. it's like coming off an intense high, although the source is less synthetic than a pill or a plant or some sort of fermented beverage.

in any event, the result of this adrenaline-induced blathering will most likely end here; with a blog post. the time has come to resume autocad drafting duties.

regards.

stars can't fight city lights.

in big letters on my 'list of things to do' is in large print is to get a new card scanner so that i can start posting photographs. i'd prefer this blog to go beyond just black and white and read all over to something more substantial. in time ...

in the meantime, i'm finally on the 4th floor of my office with my team. {keep in mind, i started out on the 6th floor in a conference room with another intern. not the most ideal situation.} my project? block_37. it's a high rise residential development on portland's south waterfront. my team is excellent. mainly sketchup {eehhhh ...} and cad work thus far. i've done a good job of keeping my mouth shut and following directions, so i haven't screwed up too much, which i think my superiors appreciate. although, there have been a few moments when i have let a few unsolicited criticisms or suggestions slip from my mouth, and suprisingly, i wasn't appropriately chastized. i'm expecting a big promotion any time now.

last friday i joined a few kids from the office at the neko case concert at the crystal ballrom here in portland. just for refrence, imagine the uptown minus the balcony, a bouncy wooden floor, and even more spectacular chandeliers. the venue was incredible, the crowd was great, and with my pdx microbrew in hand, i was feeling pretty good about the situation. ms. case did not disappoint. she looked absolutely stunning in her long black dress and her fiery red hair. then she made the mistake of letting her hair down about midway through her performance. needless to say, i about lost my mind. deep red bells, favorite, margaret vs. pauline, john saw that number were just a few notable highlights.

at some point, i mentioned to my fellow intern, kristin, 'that would be incredible if she played 'train from kansas city.'' as luck would have it, the bouncy, unattractive and tactless girl bouncing around next to us swung around and bellowed, 'are you from kansas city?!?! i'm from prairie village! fuck yea!' i played the nice guy for the rest of the show, but i think she eventually caught on that i wasn't interested in screaming at the band and jumping around with her for the rest of the show. she wanted to know what we were doing after the show. i think i made something up about being low on cash and having to do my laundry.

there's much more to say, but i'll stop there. more posts/pictures/stories/embellishments forthcoming.

leisure.

how great was today's lunch?

the city has set up a giant screen to display world cup games to all us pathetic urban workers, so today i chose to join the crowd, stretch my lunch longer than i should, and enjoy the show with a few thousand other bandwagon soccer fans.

this city is incredible.

look. space.

Every house is an architecturally structured 'path': the specific possibilities of movement and the drives toward movement as one proceeds from the entrance through the sequence of spatial entities have been pre-determined by the architectural structuring of that space and one experiences the space accordingly. But at the same time, in its relation to the surrounding space, it is a 'goal', and we either advance toward this goal or depart from it.

_Dagobert Frey
Grundlegung zu einer vergleichenden Kunstwissenschaft

it's already come to this ... television commentary.

it has became unequivocally clear how poor the general public's taste truly is. and all it took was one hour of sunday night television.

last night, with nothing really exciting to do, i thought i'd poke around my 30-some channels of basic cable {mostly public access and spanish channels} and see if there might be something interesting to watch. i happened to come across a show that i have heard so many people speak so highly of, grey's anatomy, and thought, "oh, supposedly this is worth watching. i'll give it a chance."

color me unimpressed. i kept on asking myself, "this is what everyone is talking about? is this really considered a respectable tv drama? am i really flipping between this and how to lose a guy in 10 days? should i blog about this tonight or first thing tomorrow morning?" at least now i have something to talk about on wednesday with my coworkers. as luck would have it, i actually work with a few people who have that rare thing called taste.

on a side note, i just noticed my coffee maker {generous donation from mom and dad - probably 25 years old} is made by norelco, and continues to 'sputter' hours after it's finished brewing. it's growling at me right now.

i'll be around here.

The time has come for me to graduate from the myspace blogosphere and move to the big leagues … a blog on blogger.com. that mikey mouse, minor league myspace bullshit has finally run it’s course. Plus, I basically have more time on my hands. After all, I do have That 70’s Show playing in the background … something I’m not particularly proud to admit.

I realize this change is abrupt, and this only further perpetuates my pathetic assimilation into the ubiquitous and artistically crippling real world work environment {and my continual denial of this reality} but i'm confident my devotion to this will eventually fade, and i'll find another pointless habit to comsume myself with.

With that being said, and I think I owe it to my devoted readers to chew on something ‘substantial’ in the meantime - until i think of something important to say. So, I present a small list of things I have noticed during my first 2.5 weeks in the great northwest.

Most commonly spotted bumper stickers:

HE'S NOT MY PRESIDENT
I SUPPORT ORGANIC AGRICULTURE
KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD!

Things I’ve learned that I can easily survive without:

A microwave.
Cable television.
Gas powered transportation.
Air conditioning hot water {at the same time!}
A bathrug.
Fingernail/toenal clippers {obviously, this didn’t last very long.}

Also, I’ve learned that Tupperware containers can serve multiple purposes, including, but not limited to, cereal bowls, pasta bowls, tea cups, and soap dishes. Now, when it comes to living without access to an organic grocery store, a netflix subscription, a coffee pot and an ipod, well, you might as well be asking me to play tennis without a racquet.

in any event, i'm not sure where this blog thing will eventually go. i'm really not sure how many official 'blogs' there are out there ... i really don't want to know. it's not the least bit comforting, i must say.

ck.