my eyes wake up but my brain is sleepin' fine.

It's absolutely pathetic that it's taken me this long to discover/explore Issac Brock's 2002 project, Ugly Casanova. I listened to Sharpen Your Teeth in it's entirety tonight, its folky catharsis serving as a surprisingly appropriate way to end a night spent drowning in notecards, mechanics liens and indemnification clauses.

Things I Don't Remember
Hotcha Girls
Cat Faces

eastern assimilation?

This email arrived, and I immediately became paralyzed by a tidal wave of fear, anxiety and excitement. That morning, the message thread on archinect for 2010 applicants was lit up with one 'GSAPP rejection' post after the other. Needless to say, the last thing I wanted to see this morning was an email from the Columbia admissions department.


Much to my parents' disappointment, I've said before that past acceptances and graduations seemed underwhelming, if not completely routine. I sincerely believed that nothing remarkable had occurred, and my stubbornness was absent any calculation. What's more, I was steadfast in my conviction that I was not diminishing this moment because there was nothing to diminish.

Absent from these experiences was a particular feeling of emotion - a sensation that I had truly earned something. A probable explanation would be that I had not invested much to begin with, but when I reflect upon the effort and struggle that took place over the course of both high school and college, this certainly is not true. The difference, however, took place at the arrival at these respective places. In other words, entering these respective institutions seemed like a formality.

The long-awaited acceptance to a graduate school has now changed that. It's quite an experience, too. I mentioned to Laura the other night - the night before I received the email with the good news, actually - that I thought it was interesting how this process is a reliable catalyst for irrational self-doubt. The irony is that the impetus for applying to graduate school is that you are certain your capabilities, but as the process moves along and the waiting begins, you slowly convince yourself that you were wrong about everything. You go back and critique your portfolio and personal statement and all you see is flaws, mistakes, and certain failure. Your path to this point, rooted in ambition and hope, now seems reckless and foolish. But why, exactly? This isn't exactly a life or death scenario.

More than anything, this internal rollercoaster illustrates how much emotion is truly invested in the process. This obviously makes the outcome all the more satisfying, and in hindsight is easy to rationalize. Above all, the lesson I have learned is that absent any positive encouragement and approval from the outside, it's alarming how easy it is to forget about the things you do well. Thank you, Columbia admissions and faculty for reminding me that hard work is occasionally recognized and valued.

Details.

I've spent a few Sundays accompanying Laura in the UCLA law library, either studying for the ARE's or piddling away time on my iphone. Today, in the midst of a riveting examination of construction documents and the components of the project manual, I took a necessary pause to let my eyes wander aimlessly around the room I was in. I was pleased to notice this ::


Are those linear diffusers that echo the shape and size of the corner bookcases? This requires a closer look.


I was nonplussed. Until I noticed this detail I had considered the building to be a generally unremarkable piece of architecture. In other words, it was what it was - a university's law library. However, immediately following the initial discovery further details emerged. Shadow lines broke planes between ceilings and soffits. Wooden shades slid nicely along a narrow aluminum track into the body of the wall. A skylight above the central staircase provided the building with a distinct 'center,' giving its inhabitants the necessary reference point and means of vertical circulation. Perhaps next time my expectations will not be so low, and I will keep my eyes open for such pleasurable revelations.

A growing number, no longer.

In my previous post I mentioned the possibility of a new job. Now, I can officially say that I've been hired by wHY Architects. My first day is this Tuesday. Their website >>

http://www.why-architecture.com/

This has been a long year. The subject titles since last January been a running count of the number of days since January 16th, when I was cut loose from ZGF. The content of each post over this year has been decidedly blunt, and without much detail. While I was basically just posting links to songs of bands that were shoring up my sanity, I suppose this also reflected a change in personal demeanor. Experiencing the fragility of architecture first hand was a necessary lesson to learn. I concluded a long time ago that something good was going to result from this, and that those subjected to the hardships of a weak economy were going to be judged by their response.

I still vividly remember day four, sitting at home in my sweatpants, coffee in hand, the weather being reliably cold, wet, and dark, feeling tremendously conflicted. It was January 20th, Obama's inauguration. Regardless of your political beliefs, that moment was so thoroughly symbolic; a new direction was on the horizon, and change was imminent. I couldn't have been happier that he had won the election, but obviously would have preferred to have been listening to the event streaming on my headphones, sharing the moment with my similarly enthusiastic friends at work. Somehow, this experience left me feeling far from defeated. Instead, the possibility of change was quite comforting. This was a truly encouraging moment, my mind completely devoid of all cynicism and negativity. The feeling was not doubt, shame or self-loathing. It was liberation.

So 386 days later, I find myself living in Los Angeles. The past year has been a whirlwind of traveling, new projects, studying, and exams. This city is physically larger and more culturally diverse but by no means any more intimidating than anything previously encountered. The future is still uncertain, but when has it not?

Integral to the western spirit is a willingness to be transformed, and since its inception California has remained the primary facilitator of this collective American effort. In short, blind ambition is an assumption. Here, opportunity was literally buried in the ground in flowing in the rivers. Every day people choose to recklessly throw away their past with the hope that something better might lie ahead. Modernity has changed how this pursuit is manifest but it is fundamentally the same. This frontier spirit, as well as a pervasive sense of ethnic and social acceptance is as American as they come. While Oregon helped to initiate this transformation, California will likely propel it forward.

day 384.

384 days without full-time employment. it just might be ending soon. details to follow.

in unrelated news, i am finally coming around to this album. perhaps it is resonating more loudly down here, given that it's generally warm and sunny hue more accurately reflects the atmosphere of southern california. listening to this in portland would either sweep me away to someplace else or annoy me. then again, the stories are so vivid and the sound so pleasing and fun it would most certainly turn out to be the former.

Girls
Album

Lust For Life
Laura
Summertime
Darling

day 355.

Admittedly, the composition of the following lists are fairly predicable and I'm certain most 20-somethings who pay the slightest bit of attention to what's accessible and hip in modern music are thinking the same thing. Luckily, this no longer makes a difference to me. I should note that it took time for each album on this list to reveal its dynamic qualities, which is typically a good indicator. 2009 was certainly not 2007, but then again, maybe I was trying harder back then.

In an effort to restore equilibrium and offset my lack of effort, I'm writing a brief explanation for each album.

2009's Best Albums _

01. Actor . St. Vincent

Annie Clark is a fragile, sarcastic, and occasionally desperate. She paints elaborate pictures of familial struggle, relationships, and self-loathing. Aside from a complex set of narratives that reflect the vacillating rhythms of life this album was surprisingly the most listenable to be released this year. Also, she's freaking beautiful.

02. Two Suns . Bat For Lashes

Natasha Khan's sincerity is a desperately needed addition to popular independent music. While so many artists remain satisfied in their commitment to keep sincerity at arm's length, she buries herself in her art, unafraid of the inevitable scrutiny. Until you see her perform live, it's difficult to understand how talented and genuine she actually is.

03. Merriweather Post Pavilion . Animal Collective

The layering and complexity of Animal Collective's sound is quite deceiving. Listen upon pleasurable listen reveals a fairly simple strategy; bathe life's simple truths in sounds that are joyous and exuberant. "I want to walk around with you" is by far the most prosaic of proclamations, but when juxtaposed against their elaborate landscape of booms, bursts and screams, seems tremendously profound.

04. Bitte Orca . Dirty Projectors

Two years ago I bought New Attitude on a whim, having heard that their sound was totally wack, but in a good way. Surely, this would be an endeavor would shore up my credibility. Upon the first few listens it obviously made no sense. The sounds were too angular, and the lack of discernible coherence left me feeling dissatisfied. Nevertheless, I knew this was the routine that often occurs when I've found a band that I'll end up loving. Now, I've begun to appreciate Dave Longstreth's ability to create these seemingly incomprehensible arrangements that somehow work. He helped his cause by letting Angel Deradoorian and Amber Coffman just unleash their superb vocal talents.

05. Eskimo Snow . Why?

If Alopecia allowed people to see into Yoni Wolf's sick and twisted mind, Eskimo Snow illuminated his mature, but still perverted other half. Alopecia's brilliance is a hard act to follow, but I got the sense the band was deliberately drifting in foreign waters by embracing more folk and pop, thus pushing the abrasive hip-hop arrangements aside. For now. Maybe. Also, awesome band live.

06. Fever Ray . Fever Ray

To fully appreciate this album, I had to listen to their performance on NPR's All Song's Considered. Even through the streaming internet feed I was able to visualize the distinct, haunting atmosphere Karin Dreyer so naturally creates. Compared to The Knife, Fever Ray's rhythms seem more carefully chosen, more poignant, and more tormented.

07. Middle Cyclone . Neko Case

I don't care how many New York Times interviews, NPR features and Pitchfork boner-fests that Neko is subjected to, I will forever worship the ground she walks on. Like every other artist on this list, her words create especially vibrant paintings. The cover is especially poignant, depicting a fiery Neko with saber in hand, crouched atop the hood of a Mercury Cougar, her posture and piercing gaze perfectly illustrating her tacit fearlessness.

08. Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle . Bill Callahan

I first saw Bill Callahan in 2006 when he opened for Joanna Newsom. I usually assume the opener is a respectable act since they're associated with the band with which I am primarily interested, but when the set is over I'm typically underwhelmed. In Callahan's case however, I was left with a positive impression. This is pretty much the only reason I even gave this album a chance. What began as background music for cooking or studying transformed into a staple.

09. Flashmob . Vialic

The beats on this album are tremendously propulsive, but don't feel completely unhinged. They're French, which explains the rubbery bass as well as the sexiness. This is definitely a good thing. Albums like these are far more enjoyable than other popular electronic acts like Ratatat or MSTRKRFT because it isn't nearly as monotonous - the peaks, valleys and swells are genuine and necessary. Above all, it's an electroclash album, and surprisingly, feels quite comfortable there.

10. There Is No Enemy . Built to Spill

You In Reverse had me filled with nameless dread. It was so ... ordinary. Luckily, Doug Martsh rediscovered the brilliant grunge and grandiosity that so many people have fallen in love with. Bottom line - thank god these guys still have it in them.

Note: Yep, The XX, Grizzly Bear, Handsome Firs, YACHT, Phoenix, Neon Indian, YYY's, The Dead Weather, Passion Pit, and Girls didn't make it. These either were really great and then became boring, or had one or two songs that were just stunning and the rest wasn't nearly as remarkable.

2009's Top Songs _

01. Summertime Clothes . Animal Collective
02. Stillness Is The Move . Dirty Projectors
03. Save Me From What I Want . St. Vincent
04. Against Me . Why?
05. Zero . Yeah Yeah Yeahs
06. Young Hearts Spark Fire . Japanroids
07. My Girls . Animal Collective
08. My Friend . Bill Callahan
09. Siren Song . Bat For Lashes
10. Oh Yea . Built to Spill
11. Sunlight - tUnE-yArDs

More songs _

Island, Is . Volcano Choir
Feel It All Around . Washed Out
Treat Me Like Your Mother . The Dead Weather
Laughing With A Mouth Of Blood . St. Vincent
Two Weeks . Grizzly Bear
Shelter . The xx
40 Day Dream . E. Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes
In Steps . Letting Up Despite Great Faults
Dimstore Diamond . Gossip
All The Kings Men . Wild Beasts
I'm In Love With A Ripper . YACHT
Little Secrets . Passion Pit
Poison Lips . Vitalic
Russia - Ramona Falls
Tightrope . Yeasayer
People Got a Lotta Nerve . Neko Case
Big Bad Mean Mother Fucker . Girls
Run This Town . Jay-Z {featuring Kanye West & Rihanna}
Sunlight . Harlem Shakes
It's Boring/You Can Live Anywhere You Want . YACHT
Talking Hotel Arbat Blues . Handsome Firs

On to 2010.

day 302.

I caved. I made a non-2009 top album list.

I should note, these are essential to me, and are certainly not the greatest musical achievements of all time. In other words, my life without this music is hardly worth living. I should also note that this list is in no way permanent. In fact, half of these will probably change within the next month. What's more, I've been listening to an unhealthy amount of older Modest Mouse lately, which has a tendency to distort pretty much everything.

In no order _

1. Neutral Milk Hotel / In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
2. Tool / Ænima
3. Pearl Jam / Yield
4. Arcade Fire / Funeral
5. Built to Spill / Perfect From Now On
6. Deerhunter / Cryptograms
7. Led Zeppelin / Physical Graffiti
8. Radiohead / Kid A
9. The Walkmen / Bows + Arrows
10. Dismemberment Plan / Emergency & I
11. The Smashing Pumpkins / Siamese Dream
12. Modest Mouse / The Lonesome Crowded West

day 281.

SOME NEW STUFF.

THE GOSSIP _ Music for Men

It's not substantive, but it's danceable, aggressive, and damn catchy.

Dimstore Diamond
Men in LOve
2012

WILD BEASTS _ Two Dancers

This album feels like 2007's White Rabbits album, Fort Nightly - while it isn't groundbreaking, it is tremendously listenable.

All the Kings Men
The Empty Nest

day 229.

FUGAZI
from End Hits.

_ break.
_ place position.
_ five corporations.

day 227.

THE DODOS _ TIME TO DIE.

_ small deaths.
_ fables.
_ troll nacht.