**eastward movement is included


come join the intellectual priesthood.

here's a proposition; live a life of absolutes. go believe in something. formulate a conviction.

but, what if that wasn't necesarily a good thing?

in a very general sense, college taught me that apathy cannot nor should not ever be considered a virtue, no matter what the circumstances. i still believe in that ... sort of. but for whatever reason, i was put off by my early surroundings; a three-story bullshit think-tank built on drinking games, ignorance, and racism. i left a few things out, good and bad, mind you. still, i'm starting to wonder if the joke is on me.

basically, i'm beginning to ask myself if certainty could actually be the most convoluted and grotesquely rusty double-edged sword every conceptualized. i am certain of this. that is irony, right? right?

no one {with the exception of pathologial extremists} is out there recommending a life of brutal extremes. furthermore, i'm yet to entounter an individual who has continually encountered exhausting periods of hot to cold, wet to dry, up to down and walked away feeling physically or mentally stable. i probably should thank my parents daily for passing on a unwavering groundedness and general honesty that keeps my mind from floating away into the clouds. at the same time, i could have used encouragement from above to be irresponsbile every now and then. but that's beside the point.

obviously, no matter what the medium, whether it be architecture, politics, art, revolt, etc., nothing has ever been accomplished or achieved without some sort of self-absorbed steadfastness and stonewall conviction. john ashcroft, martin luther king, rem koolhaas, osama bin laden; these people, while heterogenous in their relative contexts, would by no means agree with one another on a variety of topics, but, frightenly enough are artificially bound by way of outright certainty and faith in one's beliefs.

so what can i possibly be certain of, at 24, given my general lack of experience in just about every life-situation imaginable?

right now, i'm just more aware of my humanity; the simple fact that i will struggle. with everything. especially myself. and everyone/everything around me. outside of that, there isn't much else to be certain about. i've chosen a 'career,' but what does that actually mean, really? there's a chance i'll eventually outgrow these constrictive shoes of condescention and sophomoric over-intellectualism, but as of late, i'm beginning to wonder about that one, too.

maybe what it boils down to is if you go through life unsure where you stand, it's nearly impossible to courageously face the doctrine of another.

so is this a long-winded rationalization for my behavior? perhaps. is this an acknowledgement of personal flaws and shortcomings? warmer. maybe. i suppose it could also be interpreted as a veiled apology to anyone i've ever subjected to my bullshit, too. furthermore, it should be noted that this isn't me getting misty-eyed with personal enlightenment and self-awareness. lukewarm.

and so it continues; the slippery slope of self-evaluation. maybe this is where a lifetime of 'design' will prove validating; my personal coup de gras or something. after all, this architecture thing has been a sort of 'escape' from all of the chaos and uncertainty daily life brings. there is a strong bond there; so much in fact that while shacking at my parents residence i pulled out my impressive collection of notebooks and goldenrod interlude handouts from mick charney's history of architecture classes. this proved to be therapeutic, if not amusing. he was teaching us the alphabets of architecture, and it made sense. now the only letters i know by heart are Z, G, and F. but seriously, people of such strong character like mick charney are so rare, and so damn necessary. big realization there, right? whatever. either way, it's expereinces like those that make me want to send the CAPD a check. that's scary.


so. um, how about those chiefs, huh?

outside of a socializing among friends and family, waking my parents with continual late-night arrivals, and purging leftover and expired meats and cheeses in the refrigerator, not much else was accomplished during my extended break in the king city. open mornings equated to oversized omelettes, large pots of coffee and reading the star cover to cover.

people i sincerely regret not seeing over break >

> brad & becca.
> sam loring.
> molly mulloy.
> aaron ross.
> kyle knecht.
> ruth fisher.

approaching concerts i plan on attending >

> my morning jacket.
> of montreal.
> deerhoof.
> camera obscura.

good news. i was't moved to a different project at the office. life can be stable at the bottom.


Anonymous said...

for a moment i thought this entry wasn't going to include the infamous, "what's in my fridge" section.

however, "purging leftover and expired meats and cheeses in the refrigerator." some how wedged its way into this post.

continually mentioning items in a refrigerator? a frigid food fetish perhaps?


happy new year corbusy.


ruthie said...

awwww... good thing we live in the same city. we need to go get coffee cake at jim and pattys.

Reverb said...

no worries corb, wish we could have seen you too, hope you had a great holiday season. one thing i'll leave you with, a shadow of my nihilism...don't have beliefs, have ideas. Ideas are easier to change.

Reverb said...

one more thing...how bout those chiefs?? well, i'm watching now and you'd think green and gonzalez were high school b-team back ups....god damn, since i've been typing this gonzalez has dropped a pass and green has thrown a effin' interception. this is embarrassing. peace.

sloring said...

well corbilever, sounds like you had a good break; sorry we could pound some PBR's together and *@!^ some hoes, but we'll get em next year, Bra!

[please note the sarcasm of above post]

ercwttmn said...

this post reminds me slightly of that scene in "ferris bueller's day off" right after cameron destroy's 1961 ferrari 250gt california.

"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it."

[singing] when corbin was in egypt's land..."let my corbin go!"

glad to hear your break went well.

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I take myself too seriously most of the time and I am trying to do that less. I remind some people of Woody Allen. I occationally indulge in the weekend camping trip. I adamantly support the Kansas City Royals baseball club. My identity is wrapped up in a few simple things, most of which are continuously displayed on this here blog.

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